


drabble dump 013

by highboys (orphan_account)



Series: drabble dumps [13]
Category: Kuroko no Basket
Genre: Alternate Universe - Fashion & Models, Alternate Universe - Inanimate Objects, Carrots, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-09-20
Updated: 2012-09-20
Packaged: 2017-11-14 15:54:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 751
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/517043
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/highboys
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Midorima is a carrot with problems. | Takao is an AV actor. | Kuroko has complicated relationships with coworkers.</p>
            </blockquote>





	drabble dump 013

**Author's Note:**

> For ceyren, andreaphobia and an anon.

Fandom: Kuroko no Basket

 

 

 

**( Midorima/Takao. In which Midorima is a carrot with problems. )**

 

 

 

“When I turn human,” says the carrot, incredibly put out, “I’ll _eat_ you.”

“That’s called cannibalism, Shin-chan,” says Takao, stroking his stem indulgently, despite the carrot’s horrified squeak. “Is that how vegetables do courtship now? That’s kind of depressing, now that I think about it.”

“I won’t even _peel_ you,” says the carrot, like it’s the worst thing that could ever happen to his digestive system.

Takao goes back to stirring the hotpot, dumping the mince onions into the stock. “I love you too. Now go sit to the side so I don’t accidentally chop you up.”

 

 

 

**( Aomine, Kise, Midorima/Takao. In which Takao is an AV actor. )**

 

 

 

When his mother told him that watching AV was the path to hell and back again, Aomine didn’t think she’d be right about that.

Sitting across the reason for many of his untimely trips to the washing machine and the overflowing toilet paper in the trash can by his bed, Aomine, for once, was at a loss. How do you pretend to be unaffected by the star of your teenage delusions in the middle of a cafe? Also, why was _Midorima_ going out with him? More importantly, how did you hide an embarrassing boner in the face of skinny jeans?

“Your friend isn’t very talkative, is he, Shin-chan,” the love of his hard drive’s life said, pointing at him, “but I think Kise-kun is hilarious.”

“That’s one way of putting it,” said Midorima, long-suffering in the face of Aomine’s internal turmoil and Kise’s — well.

Kise was losing his shit. “I don’t understand,” said Kise, “how is this even possible? I thought you said you had _taste_.”

“Don’t insult him,” said Midorima, as he contemplated whether or not throwing a breadstick at Kise would land them in tomorrow’s gossip section.

“I wasn’t talking about _you_ ,” said Kise, venomously, like Midorima had committed a hundred atrocities like ruining his fantasies.

Takao scratched his cheek, looking pleased and confused at the same time. ”Thanks, I guess?”

“Uh,” said Aomine, finally regaining his faculty of thought that didn’t involve watching Takao make love to his gelato, “I kind of thought you were going out with that chick from that short with the nurse and the — uh —”

Takao took one look at his face and laughed. “The one with the thermometer? God, no. Where does that head of yours come up with this stuff?” His tongue slipped out of his mouth, pink and wet, as he licked vanilla off of his fingers with an obscene sound. _Clearly_ , hell.

“Um,” said Aomine, trying to find the right words to say _but you were fucking her on the infirmary bed when I first met you via kinky porn_ without being too indelicate. He couldn’t muster the courage to actually vocalize his thoughts.

“Do you realize what this means,” said Kise, woefully poking his croutons with a fork. “Midorima is having sex. Midorima is having sex with a _porn star_ and he is still an asshole. Apparently there’s no hope for you either, Aominecchi.”

“Asshole,” said Aomine, still staring at Takao’s (bared!) arms with glazed eyes, “right.”

 

 

 

**( Kise/Kuroko. In which Kuroko has complicated relationships with coworkers. )**

 

 

 

 **To:** Kise Ryouta

 **From:** Kuroko Tetsuya

 **CC:** Akashi Seijuro, Aomine Daiki, Momoi Satsuki…

 **Subject:** Reminders

Hello, everyone. I would like to remind all of you that the informal meeting on Friday will be suspended in lieu of the company party. Attached are the guidelines for next week’s shoot which will, hopefully, involve the presence of all models save for one. (You know who you are.) And, no, Aomine-kun, I’ve already checked with Momoi-san if your excuse for the day will be work-related or not. Don’t even think about it.

Regards,

Kuroko Tetsuya

 

 

 

 **To:** Kurokocchi ♥♥♥

 **From:** Kise Ryouta

 **CC:** Akashi Seijuro, Aomine Daiki, Momoi Satsuki…

 **Subject:** Re: Reminders

Ah, that’s so cruel! I was expecting a dinner invitation of some sort instead :( Would it be too objectionable if I played footsie with you at the party, or would that be unprofessional?

Also, you aren’t serious about filing a restraining order after last time, are you???

All my love, etc.

 

 

 **To:** Kise Ryouta, Kuroko Tetsuya

 **From:** Midorima Shintarou

 **Subject:** You do realize

… that you’ve just outed yourselves to your coworkers, right?

This is unacceptable.

 

 

 

 **To:** Kise Ryouta, Kuroko Tetsuya

 **From:** Aomine Daiki

 **Subject:** FDHSFJKFGD

KISE I’M GONNA KILL YOU

 

 

 **To:** Kuroko Tetsuya, Midorima Shintarou, Aomine Daiki

 **From:** Kise Ryouta

 **Subject:** …

Well, _fuck_.

 

 

 


End file.
